Chasing Time: Hockey Mom II

5.29.2008

Hockey Mom II

My campaign for Hockey Mom of the Year has really gone off track!
Getting Trent in his gear is a production. Shin Guards, Tape, Socks, Tape, Breezers (shorts), Shoulder Pads, Elbow Pads, Jersey, Mouth Guard, Helmet, Gloves, Stick. Check, check....check. Wow! that wasn't so bad this time.
I told him I had to run to the store and would be back before practice was over to watch him. I watched him walk to the ice, fall and then come running back out.
I was glad I had waited for him to go out, and then I realized why he was coming back.
I forgot to put his skates on! Brilliant Jen!

After practice his job is to take the tape off.
My Son the philanthropist. He saves it to make tape balls for "the children who don't have any toys." He asked me how many poor people there were in the world and when I told him there were millions he said, "I'll have to own a store AND play hockey so I can keep making these for them."

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Say What???

Trent's Principal's Halloween costume was a Viking Woman. Trent:"My worst fear, my Principal is a Viking. She'll tie our arms and legs to horses and rip our legs off!" (I'm actually glad he fears her!)
Trent broke a glow stick and the glow stuff went into his eye. Once the trauma of getting it out was over he said, "Wouldn't that be awesome if I turned into a superhero now and I could shoot acid out of my eye?" (There's always a BRIGHT side!)
Trent: "If the teenagers TP'd the forest, then it would be there for you if you ever needed to go #2, plus then the TP would be going back to its source." (Very practical and intuitive Trent!)
Mom Looking at Swimsuits on-line. Trent:"Mom, are you planning on looking like that?" (Wait? I don't already?)
Callie: "Dad, you have more money than me, cause you have a wallet."
Callie: "Mom, can I wear my pink camo hat?" Mom: "No, it's too small." Callie:"Then I'm going to have my BabyAlive wear it, and when it gets small enough, I'm going to let my Barbie wear it." Mom:"Callie, the hat doesn't get smaller! Your head gets bigger!" Trent: "Callie, I think your BabyAlive should be called BabyDead cause you haven't played with it in so long!"
Trent: "Mom, is that a new handbag?" Mom:"Yes." Trent: "It looks nice on you." (O.k.! Thanks for noticing Buddy!)
Callie: "No Mom, my hair is not snarley, I took a bath at Grandma's and she put in some air conditioner."
Callie: "Mom, how old is Grandpa going to be?" Mom:"60." Callie:"Wow! He's old! That means he'll have even MORE wrinkles!"
Callie: "Don't worry Molly, if I turn 5 before you, I'll still be your cousin."
Trent:"Mom, what does nocturnal mean?" Mom:"Things that are awake at night." Callie:"Teenagers are nocturnal!"
Callie: "Mom, will you find my Diego DVD?" Mom:"What's the magic word?" Callie:"Abracadabra?"
The kids have been listening to the song "Funkytown" Trent: "Mom, where is Funkytown?" "Can we go there sometime?"
Callie: (With Croc held up to her ear) "Mom, I can hear the ocean!"
Mom:"Let's get moving Trent." Trent:"Why? I like our house where we live now!"
Callie:"Mom, when will I get a penis?" Mom:"Never. You're a girl, you have privates." Callie:"But I Waannt One!" Trent:"Wanna Trade?"
Callie: "Here Mom, I picked you these flowers for your Wedding."
Trent, "Look at those geese flying over that barn. They better watch out. "Chucck. Chucck. BANG!" (That's Daddy's Boy!)
Lifeguarding according to Callie:"Don't worry Baby Jack, I'll watch you so you don't sink."
Callie: "Mom can you turn on the light for me, my hand isn't long enough."
Mom, "Callie, Don't get that on your clothes." Callie, "I am-in't."
Trent: "Mom." Mom:"Yes Callie?" Trent:"Mom." Mom:"Yes Callie?" Trent:"MOOOOOM!" Mom:"Oh, Yes Trent?"
Callie: "Mom, Great Grandma lives in a nursery rhyme right?" (Nursing Home, Nursery Rhyme same difference.)
Callie and I are sitting on Marshall's lap. He and I kiss. Callie:"Are you guys sharing germs?"
Trent: "Callie smack that mosquito! Get him! Hit him like you hit me! Kill him! Get Mad!"
Mom: "You need to eat carefully, popcicles will stain." Trent: "Just use oxyclean, it gets out the tough stains."
Callie: "Can I have a granola bar?" Mom: "Yes, but I want you to eat the whole thing, not just the chocolate chips." Callie:"Even the paper?"
Mom: "Do you have your helmet?" Trent:"Yes, I was about to put it on until you interviened."
Trent:"Mom, what is the name of the President?" Mom:"George Bush." Trent:"That's a weird name." (He has no idea!)
Callie:"Mom, can you help me?" Mom:"Just a minute Callie, I can only do a couple things at a time." (A couple things! What ever happened to one thing at a time! Welcome to Motherhood!)
Mom: "Trent, Please wait." Trent: "O.K. Mom, I can wait for minutes!"
Callie: "Mom, can boogers talk?" (I am not making this stuff up!)
After scolding the kids, I realized I've started to say, "Do you hear me?" Callie: "Yes, I hear me." (When did I turn into "that" Mom?)
Callie:"What are we having for dinner?" Mom:"Chicken Pot Pie." Callie:"Are we having dessert?"
Trent:"Mom, can I have a quarter?" (Refering to "candy" dispenser in woman's bathroom) Mom:"That's not for candy." Trent:"What is it for?"
Mom:"I'm having pea soup." Callie:"You mean potty soup?"
Callie:"Dad, can I use some of your Man Lipstick?" (Chapstick)